ParanoidSelves.

She calls me at the middle of nights, I pick up the phone. She screams and tells me she hates me. 

“I hate you.” She says as my voice softly shakes. She’s my enemy, my sweet, sweet pain. So sweet you can barely resist what she secretly hides.

“You’re not enough.” She tells as her voice starts becoming more and more cruel, my eyes start filling up with water. And her breathing becomes heavy while my heart starts breaking. 

Days, months and years pass as I see how she destroys my miserable life. 

“Stop hating me.” I claim with my last breath.

Now I can’t fight it because I feel like I’m not worth a life. Now I can’t stop crying, because I now I deserve all the pain I gained. That’s what it is, pain, I gain pain. 

And she keeps whispering: “You are not there YET, lose 1 kilo, lose more, you are gaining. Beauty? Who? You? No way.”

And my heart keeps breaking.

She’s my worst enemy

She’s my best friend

She’s my disease

A disease I rather ignore than feel

Because I do deny

I do.